I am often asked how do they make their situation improve. Once this trauma has been fully dissolved and processed through the EMDR method, it can no longer manifest in the person’s life through repeating negative patterns and relationships. Why do bad things keep happening to me? Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Your point of view creates your reality?” What if that is a point of view you have? You act out of fear. I keep wondering why so many bad things happen to me, especially because I strongly believe in "loving others as thyself." Despite their best intentions, they find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again in jobs, relationships or something else. The general concept is that experiencing deep wounding or trauma in a person’s life leads to a protective self forming which takes over from the real and authentic self and actually guarantees that the same patterns will repeat in the person’s life. In Alice Miller’s terms, the trauma or core wounding has been listened to and understood, and so doesn’t need to push for expression any more in away that leads a person to repeat the same patterns over an over. I will tell you whats been happening: 1. The Maxwell James Agency connects the best speakers with corporations, conferences, business symposiums / forums, as well as corporate retreats, annual events, and colleges/universities. This is a therapy which uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to effectively stimulate the mind/brain into processing unresolved trauma to resolution. So, I am 29 and have more health problems than most and probably seen more doctors than most people twice my age. The flight is VERY turbulent and at one point is falling through the sky. Your not consistent: If you are trying to escape a cycle but work on the escape once a week, then what progress do you really do? Do you ever wonder why you keep getting drawn into similar unfulfilling relationships? To restrain a baby elephant, circus trainers must chain it to a huge stake driven into the ground. One very effective form of therapy for trauma resolution is EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. So basically for the past month strange occurrences have been happening to me. Why do bad things keep happening to me? Well that's alright because I love the way it hurts :(Update: @Beautiful: It's one of my favorite songs 'cause I apparently enjoy emotional pain. Again, the mindset becomes more of a " poor me ". The question as it is posed; I know I'm not the best person in the world, but why do bad things keep happening in my life?It seem like I just get over one crisis and another one occurs.. And while I worked like a maniac, it seemed to make no difference. Hmm… Interesting question. Imagine my horrified look when I looked at the document and saw the cover design was an older version.Bewildered, I checked the page count. I mean just last week. If bad things keep happening you need a total over-haul of your life. Over the past 6 years, I have been involved in situations which tend to mirror previous experiences. Sometimes it might seem as thought these situations are out of our control. Alexander Ang. From this perspective it is about recognizing the life and relationship patterns we have grown up around and if they are not working for us, seeing that there are other ways of living and relating that we may not be familiar with but may serve us better long term. Why do bad things keep happening to me? Mindfulness can be a great way of tapping into these layers of the mind and body to see what is there, but there are also other forms of psychotherapy which aim to access and process unresolved trauma on a psychosomatic level. They use the excuse that they do not want to focus on the little things. 2. See our Mindfulness Resources page for lots of resources that can get you started with mindfulness meditation. , Trauma. Bart: That's because I … On my way to LA, on the plane my family and I almost die. Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? It may be a case of upgrading ones values and belief systems, embracing unfamiliarity and discomfort, becoming more self aware or tapping into unresolved trauma through meditation or other forms of psychotherapy. This is a common pattern in some people’s lives. They can see the cycle and the pattern but can’t seem to break it. I just couldn’t figure out why all these horrible things kept happening to me. Stress, Addiction & Meditation - What's The Connection? For those people, a good explanation as to why people recreate the same patterns in relationships especially is simply that this pattern or way of living or relating is simply what they know how to do, so this is what they go back to, even if it keeps bringing negative results. Continue browsing or click to consent, EMDR explained Part 2 (https://youtu.be/F2BaiQZtM4M). You can search for an EMDR therapist in your area here. We cannot control what comes into our lives, but we sure can control how we deal with them. When bad things happen to you, you have the right to feel angry, hurt, sad, and scared. I don't know if I'm losing my mind or what but for a long time I've known that something is not right with this reality we live in and I've always questioned every thing that is presented to me. This site is for information dispersal only. Your email address will not be published. Move, new job, new friends, new outlooks etc. I believe that every emotion, whether positive or negative, is valuable & should be experienced to the fullest. "Why do I keep meeting the same types of friends who seem to use me?" What is... EMDR Healing is a site about EMDR & Mindfulness as a way to recover from the past. I think I caught the evil eye or … From this perspective, your false self continues to lead you to make “safety first” decisions, but which actually re-create the same life patterns and trauma, so the false self can say “You see, it happened again, this is why I need to stay in charge”. I wanted to address this question in light of the fact that many people not only seem to have an occasional unfortunate incident in their lives, but reoccurring negative events. We get that not all people are into what they see as overly complex or “woo woo” explanations of why people recreate trauma in their lives. "Why are bad things always happening to me?" The pattern goes on and on and on. eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'emdrhealing_com-banner-1','ezslot_9',108,'0','0'])); Here is a brief summary of how Jackson Mackenzie sums up this issue as it relates to repeating patterns in a person’s life: This way of looking at things is especially useful for those who keep getting caught up in toxic relationships with personality disordered people – borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists – and other otherwise toxic or manipulative people. Why do the same things keep happening to me? So, it’s still very fresh on my mind. See Erich Fromm’s book on the issue. © 2017 Enchanted Remedy. At the same time bad things started happening to me: for example I found myself having a stalker (he constantly calls me up saying mean things) and so much more of that. In this article we want to explore several different ways of looking at this issue of repeating negative patterns and events in life, giving people a number of different concepts and resources they can follow up so they can find a way of looking at the issue in a way that makes sense to them. It isn't always an easy thing to do, but it's imperative if we hope to reduce the number of bad things happening in our lives. After any kind of deep trauma, such as rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or prolonged physical or emotional abuse, this viewpoint holds that the real self gets numbed or blocked out and replaced by a false, protective self. He's not slimy at all, he's scaly. Meditation. Why some people seem trapped in an endless cycle of bad luck. link to Stress, Addiction & Meditation - What's The Connection? eval(ez_write_tag([[728,90],'emdrhealing_com-box-4','ezslot_8',118,'0','0']));From there on, this false self takes over all decision making, aimed at keeping you safe and preventing this from ever happening again. Have you noticed that some people are always broke? When you shake things up good things can happen. One of the issues is my hearing. It was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my latest version! Another explanation for repeating life patterns is indeed that trauma remains stuck in the body if unresolved and will push for expression in ways which lead a person to repeat the same patterns in their life over and over.eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-leader-1','ezslot_1',115,'0','0']));eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-leader-1','ezslot_2',115,'0','1'])); The brilliant psychologist Alice Miller sums up the reason for this, in that all trauma remains stored psychosomatically in the body: “If we do not work on all three levels — body, feeling, mind — the symptoms of our distress will keep returning, as the body goes on repeating the story stored in its cells until it is finally listened to and understood.”. Being aware of it is useless advice since anyone who has found their way to this article already knows this pattern exists in their lives and wants to break it. Why do the same things keep happening over and over again? Let’s look at it a bit closer. Why past abuse makes one vulnerable to more abuse. Here are 5 reasons why you keep having the same problems: 1. Why do bad things keep happening to me? However, once you forced your brain to see the good, they started to flow too. We may think I have dealt with an issue, cleaned it up, and then - wham, it comes back again. Thus, the fourth and final reason why bad things keep happening to you is: they aren’t, you just overlook the good. It wants to remain in charge. In order to see real progress one must be willing to work whenever their is an opportunity. Why defeatism cripples some people. He is slimy! Does it feel like the same destructive things keep happening, that you date the same people, leave jobs for the same reason? You have the right to feel wronged. Let’s explore some of these options in more detail. This is because the false or protective self is still in charge and making the decisions for them, which almost guarantees the repetition compulsion will repeat so the protector can justify it’s own existence and stay in charge. 3 Reasons Why Couples Have the Same Fights Over and Over Couples' arguments are inevitable, but there are multiple ways to resolve them. Your email address will not be published. No matter what I do, bad things keep happening to me and my family. By doing this we can break dysfunctional hardwired patterns of relationships and learn to live in a way which is more self serving rather than self sabotaging. This idea of the Protector is a fantastic way of looking at this issue of repeating trauma and negative patterns in a person’s life. Your past experience has led you to believe this thought and it’s needed to keep you safe. Whilst there are often many different contributors towards addiction, it is fair to say that stress is one of the main driving causes, since it has predictable effects on the mind and brain. But since this false self is not your authentic self, all the decisions it makes are only based on what serve’s it’s own interests and not your true self’s. Then you are most definitely in the right place at the right time. Just as bad as things are something else comes around its like can things get any worse. See our EMDR Resources and Mindfulness Resources pages for some great introductory videos and books on the topics. If that is the case, you may wonder, “How do I change this point of view?” Let’s again look at the question. I'm really feeling bad lately and I don't know what to do anymore. Either way, we can’t hide from lessons and instead of victimising ourselves, if we could further practice ways in which we can objectively understand the key messages and the stem of these patterns from past or present situations, then we should be on the right path towards fulfilling our life's purpose and gaining greater wisdom. It is about venturing out into the unknown more and being familiar and comfortable with discomfort and change, and trying new ways of living and relating, even if it feels uncomfortable and perhaps generates anxiety at first. However, a number of these reoccurring situations stood out to me and most definitely enlightened me. Now I am not superstitious, but it's beginning to get on my nerves. This is a common pattern in some people’s lives. August 26, 2014. What options are there to deal with this?eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',121,'0','0'])); There are lots of different ways of looking at this issue of self sabotage and the so called “repetition compulsion”. As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Change as many things as you can and you will be starting new. Learning how to take proactive action to make life easier is part of the journey. We use cookies on this site to improve the user experience. There is no right or wrong answer for everyone; different people resolve this issue in their life in different ways. It's like I'm filled with bad luck I always feel bad, I feel angry,sad,depressed and defeated. Rather it is about digging into oneself and/or looking at the issue in a certain way that allows repeating life patterns to start to make more sense. If you ask yourself, “why do I have this belief?” The answer is to keep yourself safe. This compares favorably to other forms of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in that it seeks to access and process trauma on it’s own terms rather than dealing with the symptoms of this trauma, be they dysfunctional beliefs, addictions, depression, anxiety and so on. Right now I feel like I am falling down a neverending hole and someone is throwing rocks at me. Do you ever wonder why you get reoccurring situations at your work place? , Mindfulness. And because we don’t take action to make it stop, it keeps reappearing. See the two embedded videos below from Jackson Mackenzie for a superb discussion of this theory of the Protector, and how we can use mindfulness to dig into this protective self and actually see what’s underneath so we can move past it and make better decisions long term. Despite their best intentions, they find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again in jobs, relationships or something else. This was an old version I was working on a few days ago. I had always been caref… Some people on the more materialistic or scientific end of the spectrum just want a simple down to earth explanation as to why patterns seem to repeat in their lives. This whole journey based on my curiosity around reoccurring lessons and patterns , drove me further into my spirituality and inner reflection. If you have this thought, then it protects you from being hurt and the pain from any more failed relationships. READ ON!! "Why do I keep entering unfulfilling relationships over and over again?" Why Do I Have This Belief? This connects with what we just mentioned above regarding the core wound and the protector. "Why is it always hard for me to find a job"? “No! I tell them to pay attention to it and address it.